He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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