The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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