I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
