I can tuck mytits in my pants
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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