This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She has the best kind of daddy issues
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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