i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
don't judge my taste in strippers
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
