she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize