What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
