goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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