$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
