we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
