I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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