the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
