Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
