TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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