I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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