my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
