You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
