I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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