remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
