she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize