The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
