There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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