I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
