Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
