nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
