how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
