My nipple is on Facebook.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
