I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
