SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Life is so much better after having sex.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
