office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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