Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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