Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
