We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
