I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
