Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize