Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
