my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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