I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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