i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
