I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
FUCK WHALES
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