Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
