And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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