So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
