Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
