i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
