I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
