I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
