Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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