His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
