I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
