just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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