the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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