very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
