Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
