the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
