ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
