I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
