i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
