Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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