Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
