i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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