who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
