Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
