he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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