Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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