Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
