I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
