I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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