I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
