Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
