I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
